Posted on June 22, 2018
Midlife Crisis seeks young Peruvian boys.
Freddyland, VA – Fore immediate press release
Mid Life Crisis in conjunction with the US Department of State and the United Nations World Food Programme is proud to announce it is actively looking to partner with emerging DOTA 2 teams located in Peru, South America. MLC legend and CEO of Krokodil & Jenkum LLC. biz is quoted as saying “I really respect the game Peruvians bring to US EAST” – He went on to list reasons why this up and coming market is known for high quality play – “disconnecting every 5 minutes, spamming, picking pudge, staying in spawn, playing on a server over 3500 miles away, and speaking only Spanish after choosing English are real signs that this region is ready for the world stage, we are really excited for this opportunity.”
This marks a new chapter in the well documented and ever changing story that is Midlife Crisis. Founded by the Germans in 1904, MLC continues to break down barriers both cultural and literal in alcohol fueled benders that are the core of what this organization is all about. A pillar of the e-sports community, MLC continues to grow and expand in the constantly changing e-sports landscape. This move only solidifies our brand and product as a mainstay and industry leader for years to come.
The package we have put together will surely attract only the finest talent Peru has to offer. Interested Peruvian teams will be offered the chance to purchase 5 wands* which open magic sponsorship crates. Our grand prize winner is offered 100% sponsorship, you will join our team, our organization, our family. MLC will provide funding in the amount of 5,000 Chilean Pesos annually – which should be sufficient to fund our Peruvian operations for years to come. Unfortunately there can be only one winner, and as we don’t want to see anyone walk away empty handed every crate will include at least one of the following luxury items.
- Clean Water – This is essential, the real deal, unpolluted H2O. Should you be fortunate enough to obtain this rare and important substance you’ll be gifted with a 12 ounce bottle of the good stuff. MLC would like to thank the United Nations World Food Programme for its contribution.
- Plumpy’Nut – The thing most Peruvians crave, desire, and medically need most due to massive wide spread malnutrition after El Presidente raided the countries food stores for export to neighboring countries. Once again we’d like to give a shoutout to our partners over at the UN World Food Programme – they have been generous enough to supply us with 4 full bars of plumpy’nut, and an entire division of UN Peacekeepers to guard it until distributed.
3. Fentanyl – With the massive competitive boost Fentanyl provides to DOTA 2 players around the world this reward needs no explanation – We thank our very first sponsor, core partner, and world wide misery dealerfor being apart of this venture. You are allowed to have as much as you can carry, and are welcome to share with your friends, neighbors, and loved ones.
4. Asylum – Thanks to our partners over at The Department of States and The Department of Homeland Security we have been given one free, no questions asked asylum pass to give away in our upcoming event. This does not cover transportation to the United States, nor does it guarantee entry, as you must be physically located in the US to be granted Asylum – Think of this as ‘The most dangerous game’, except with rednecks instead of communists trying to kill you……. so actually probably just like any other Tuesday.
5. Partially used WaWa giftcard** – MLC does not live off the backs of its sponsors and is able to bring things from our own house to the table, should this lucky winner receive this he’ll certainly want to lie in wait and rob the winner of the Asylum DLC loot box as WaWa has stated it has no immediate or future plans to expand into Peru.
* cost of wand is 1,000 chilean pesos
** wawa gift card may or may not have any funds available on it